I want to start out this post by telling you an incredibly gripping tale. Fraught with love, peril, conflict, and emotion, it will make you laugh, cry, and deeply stir up your conscience. Siskel and Ebert give it 2 thumbs way up! Audiences across my living room are raving! So without further ado, I present:
A Penance for Paperwork
“Darn it!” My mother’s frustrated voice stood out above the sound of loose quarters falling to the ground in our apartment building hallway. The echoing thud of an overweighted laundry basket told me she was picking up the change she spilled on the way back from the community laundry room. Our cracked kitchen door allowed her voice to wind its way through the sounds of arguing upstairs neighbors and Hulk Hogan body slamming someone on our living room TV. In the kitchen, the telephone attached to the wall began chirping loudly, adding to the chaotic scene. “Can somebody get the phone?” Even though she asked a question, her tone was clear that it wasn’t an optional request!
My older brother shoved me with his foot. Knowing it wasn’t worth the fight, I stood up from the couch with a grumble and sauntered over to the kitchen. “I got it!” On the next ring, I picked up the receiver. “Hello?” Silence immediately met my ears. For what felt like an eternity, I stood there, mouth agape, body language oozing annoyance, shaking my head. After about 5 seconds of dead air, I finally heard an automated voice on the other end of the line.
“You have a collect call from…Dad (he spoke his own name on the recording). Would you like to accept the charges?”
Ugh. I was just about to see the Hulk take out the Undertaker! I did not want to sit on the phone for 20 minutes with my dad right now. The tension in my voice was almost palpable as I croaked out a dismal “yes”. I could tell by the way he recorded his voice in the call prompt that he hadn’t started drinking yet that day. At least that was encouraging!
My dad was really happy to hear my voice. And deep down, I was really happy to hear his too. He always told entertaining stories, and never let me off the hook without telling him every detail of my day. Although the TV was a tempting distraction nearby, I was excited to tell him about the report card I had received that afternoon from school.
“I got 2 A+’s, 2 A’s, a B+, and a B, but the B was in math. I just don’t really like math.” If nothing else, I always tried to be honest. “I want to get all A’s though.”
“You can kid! You just gotta get in there and give it everything you got!” He gave shallow encouragement. I appreciated the sentiment, but it didn’t really get me too excited about working harder at school. “How about this, for every A you get, I’ll pay you for it.”
Now THAT piqued my interest. I had to confirm that what I had just heard wasn’t a daydream. “Wow really? If I get A’s on my report cards you’ll pay me for each one?” It was 1999. As a 12-year-old I had to search the neighborhood on my bicycle for returnable soda cans anytime I wanted to have a little jingle in my pocket.
“Yup! How about this. For every A you get, I’ll give you $3. And for every A+ you get, I’ll give you $3.50.”
Holy. Crap. That was a lot of moolah. Alotta green! The tantalizing offer had me seeing dollar signs as I whole heartedly agreed. “Yeah!! That sounds great! Thanks Dad!!” We spent the next little while laughing and telling stories. Soon after folding up the clothes in her basket, my mom came to the kitchen table, whispering that I needed to hurry up and say goodbye because this call was costing her a lot of money.
From that day forward I clung to my dad’s promise. I worked my butt off at school and my report card reflected it. I didn’t see him very often, so whenever he’d call, I’d tell him about my good grades and remind him of the total that we were now up to. He’d laugh and tell me how proud he was of me. “Okay kiddo, next time you visit I’ll be ready to square up with ya!”
I kept a running tally for the rest of that school year and into the next. During my quick visits our deal would never get brought up. Then one day, somewhere around month 14, the sad realization hit me that he probably wasn’t ever going to be able to afford to send me such a large amount of money, and I should just accept that fact and move on. So with crushing disappointment, I decided to stop bringing it up altogether. He never mentioned it again. As a result, my next two report cards had some of the lowest math grades I ever received.
There are a million different ways to motivate young people. Incentives like candy and screen time tend to work wonders on younger kids, while money, video games, or even time with friends tend to work on teens. The issue is, eventually reward based motivation stops working. It can create an incredible kick-start to get the ball rolling. But soon the same old prizes just aren’t worth the effort. And if for some reason the promise doesn’t pan out, like in my case, it can create a whole slew of deeper issues. This type of motivation just isn’t reliable long-term. So how do we keep our kids motivated at school?
Unfortunately, I don’t’ think that’s quite the right question. See, at its root, this isn’t an issue that only kids deal with. I could ask most adults the same thing. How do you motivate yourself to try harder at work? How do you motivate yourself to try harder in relationships? Or with your budget? Or your spiritual walk? Most of us would reference the same incentives as above: to make more money, to take vacation with friends/family, or even to retire comfortably. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these things, they’re just quite easy to give up on when things get tough. Sooner or later, we need to make even more money to support our lifestyle, we need more special time with family because our kids are growing up too quickly, or we feel like retirement is slowly moving out of reach. The point is, the bar is constantly being raised, for us and our kids. And eventually, we burn out.
Worship through Work
Christ makes it clear that there is grace and redemption for ALL who call upon His name. There’s nothing you need to be or do to have a friendship with Jesus. But the Bible is also very clear that there’s more available on this earth than just forgiveness of our sins. There’s joy, restoration, hope, and development that can come AFTER accepting Jesus’ grace. As believers in Jesus, we are given a blueprint for life once we’ve been redeemed.
Any pastor or leader of the faith will tell you that there are substantial benefits to obeying the teachings of Christ, both spiritually and tangibly. The Bible is full of guidance that can revolutionize the way we view and interact with the world. And ultimately, can improve the way that we experience life as a whole. I believe one of the most profound and powerful lessons comes from the book of 1 Corinthians.
1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
This very simple verse speaks volumes of wisdom. Everything we do in this life should be done with the glory and worship of God in mind. Everything. When you worship or praise someone, it’s a very humbling experience. The act isn’t about you, it’s about them. You put forth your absolute best so that they know just how much you love and honor them. Glorifying God makes your action about Him, not yourself. As believers in Christ, we are called to put forth our best effort in everything we do, to treat everything as an act of honor and worship to God. So, when we work, giving our best effort is a direct act of us worshipping and glorifying the Lord.
Now this is a pretty abstract philosophical idea that most young people can’t really appreciate right away. That’s why this concept is something that should be taught over the course of a lifetime. It won’t be an immediate change agent like promising a kid 10 bucks if he aces his spelling test. But it will lay a foundation that will end up translating far beyond his school career. Someday, it will shape how he works his job, leads his family, or even engages in his own faith. This is a cultivating effort that will reap a lifetime of benefits, and the sooner a young person learns it, the quicker they will see positive results in their own life. Because if they give their absolute best in all their efforts as an act of glorifying God, their life will naturally produce other good results. Soon they’ll see better grades at school, promotions at work, or even greater trust from a spouse. It’s a lesson that is important for all ages of people, because it can benefit all of us, not only in our faith journey, but also our life journey.
See Big, Dream Big
I was in 7th grade when I really started to struggle in math. So naturally I only did the bare minimum to hold a passing grade. As the material grew more sophisticated and my GPA started to sink, my only thought was “I just need to get through the next test without failing”. That mindset helped me graduate on time, but I barely understood what I was being taught. And I had zero interest in it whatsoever.
That terrible attitude followed me from 7th grade through graduation and I felt like I was always playing catch up. It translated to college, then permeated my adult life. Before long, that habit of ‘just worrying about the next obstacle’ was well established. Unfortunately, never giving thought to anything beyond my immediate day to day landed me in some hot water. By the time I was 21 I had defaulted on loans multiple times and was almost $30,000 in college debt for a degree I didn’t finish.
I’m pretty sure it was around this time that I had my first mid-life crisis. I was working long hours at a job that I didn’t enjoy, struggling to keep the debt collectors off my back, and had no vision beyond next payday when I could finally put gas in my car. I saw nothing beyond my immediate daily struggles. I couldn’t give a single thought toward a future career, a family, or even retirement because those things just weren’t a possibility for my life. The only thing I knew was to keep pushing ‘til tomorrow, ‘til the weekend, or ‘til my next day off. I had no greater plan or purpose.
“One of the best things you can do for your kids is help them understand the bigger picture of their life.”
As a kid I didn’t understand how deeply the concepts from math class would affect my life. I know it sounds obvious, but it didn’t cross my mind that someday the things I learned would need to be applied to help me buy a house, start a business, or plan my finances. I mastered regurgitating formulas so I could pass pop quizzes but didn’t bother learning how interest rates work (and why they matter more than most other numbers in life!). So when I turned 18 and got my first predatory credit card offer, I signed up right away and immediately maxed that card out. Within a year I owed the credit card company almost double what I originally borrowed! But I still didn’t learn my lesson. It took another $20,000 in bad debt, and 10 years of living paycheck to paycheck before I finally decided to sit down and do some reading about financial (and mathematical) literacy. Don’t even get me started on the massive strain it had on my marriage.
One of the best things you can do for your kids is help them understand the bigger picture of their life. Learn from my failure. Refusing to look at the whole picture is a dangerous and stupid choice. It usually leaves us with huge messes to clean up and even bigger regrets. Breaking out of a small mindset is a very difficult thing to do, and sadly, many folks are never able to. But if you want your child to fulfill their potential in life, you have to help them think bigger.
For the sake of this blog post, lets apply this concept to school. Start talking to your kids. Help them see beyond their dreaded science test this Friday. Discuss how their school lessons translate to their real life right now. When they catch bugs outside, do they know they are using biology to identify their finds? When they watch their favorite super hero on TV do they know that all his adventures originally come from comic books? Is your child aware that they are most likely using what they’ve already learned at school to help them enjoy the things they love?
Also help them understand how these things will affect them as they grow up and start making their own choices. Some kids might absolutely HATE U.S. Civics class but may have a heart to help their community by running for political office one day. They’re going to need to know the basic tenants of American government. Maybe your child dreams about becoming a veterinarian and helping animals, but absolutely hates math. One day they will need to know how to prescribe different doses of medicine to horses, dogs, or birds. Maybe they’ll want to build a business as a mechanic. They’re going to need to know how to communicate effectively so they can market their business and draw in customers.
Conversations like this will open their eyes up to the larger picture of their life. And will prompt them to approach daily challenges with their future more plainly in mind. The point is, if a young person understands the big picture of why they are learning what they’re learning, then they are more likely to give it the effort and focus it deserves.
The Wrap Up
While these motivators don’ t have the immediate razzle-dazzle of a crisp 20 dollar bill or a tasty sweet treat, they provide a lifelong purpose for our kids (and us) to always give our best. We are called to glorify The Lord with every action. And seeing the big picture keeps us focused on getting to where we want to be. If we coach our kids in both truths, we will set them up for a lifetime of success far beyond an A+ on their report card!
Look out for part 2 coming soon!
Discover more from Raising David
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Leave a Reply